Every act has a tale that follows.
I began to wear the hijab back in March 2014; a little over a year now. Although it was a very sudden decision, it was undoubtedly a very determined one. I believe it was after march break of senior year (in high school) and I felt this need to prove to myself and to others how eager I was to change; from bad to good. I posted earlier about my depressive phase and how I miraculously snapped out of it through prayer, thus I wanted to strengthen my bond with He who heard my pleads.
My mind was so fascinated, so blown away by how this Divine figure had cured me of my troubles that I immediately wanted to give myself away in His cause. As soon as my burdens were lifted, I wished to pray all the daily prayers, pray on time, recite the Holy Qur’an, and study my religion, Islam, in depth. I began this process slowly and gradually made it a habit but my sudden urge to become a better Muslim was not too fitting for others.
At one point I was asked, “If you want to be so religious, why don’t you wear a headscarf?”. That question allowed me to approach my life differently and it triggered my desire to commence wearing the headscarf. As a 17 year old and still a high school student, I thought, ‘Hey, I could just start wearing a hijab once I go to university. New life, new me,’ but I then concluded, ‘if I wish to gain His pleasure, I have to step up during hardships. I will do it for me, no one else,’. I remember how I disliked the feeling of being looked down upon, like I was not capable of doing something grand so I let my heart and mind guide me.
There were two reasons that encouraged me to wear a hijab out of the blue:
1. Proving to myself that I can abandon worldly desires to please my Lord, and
2. If I chickened out from this trial, I would definitely be afraid to face God Almighty and be questioned about it
So, ladies and gentlemen, the very next day I wore it to school. It was a sloppy headscarf but it served its purpose. From then, I wore it everyday at school, at work, and whenever I went out. It was difficult at first since I honestly had no clue how to tie it up and what tricks and secrets there were to keeping it in place but I learned. I learned doing it up my own way which aligned with what God Almighty advised. Covered forehead and covered chin, no extreme makeup, and no fancy accessories.
Yes, I did worry about what others would think of me.
Yes, I did fear for maltreatment.
Yes, I did question if I was ready.
Yes, I did.
But soon after, I did not.
It was quite a turning point in my life; it made me realize where my priorities lay, where I fit into the world, who I wanted to be, and what kind of mindset I wished to have. Once I studied and understood the purpose of the hijab, I felt so intrigued and comfortable in it that I wore it proudly; as a token of bravery, devotion, and love of faith.
Not many people realize the beauty behind it which is why I wish to share it one day. It is no sign of extremism, no form of oppression, and definitely not an act of ignorance.
Anyway, just a subtle way to reach out to girls who are a bit worrisome about the whole hijab initiation:
Only you can decide for yourself whether you wish to wear a headscarf or not.
No one else should pressurize you into wearing one ’cause that is not how it works.
Discover the reason behind wearing one and make the choice on your own.
You have to be comfortable.
You have to be confident.
You have to understand what you deem important.
Feel it from within; let your heart speak.
If someone else forces it upon you, you will learn to detest it.
If you truly realize its purpose, you will learn to love it.
Do no rush into it, make sure you are completely ready to take it on.
You can start whenever you wish or not at all; it is up to you.
Your intentions are known to you and God Almighty alone.
Fret not what society will say.
Stand firm and take the step, if you are willing to do so.
Keep your head up kiddo, you got this.
Not everything is always candy and rainbows, there are new struggles that slow you down but worry not. If your heart is planted deeply within devotion, nothing can shake you. I, to this day, still receive comments like, ‘Take it off, it is so hot today!’, ‘It will get in the way of your education!’, and ‘It holds you back from living your life!,’. Quite honestly, comments like these numb my limbs but hey, I have found peace and my identity through the headscarf so I mind not much of the words thrown at me.
I am wearing one because I am content, comfortable, and devoted. If I wished to fit into this world, there would be no use for a headscarf but truth is, this world carries nothing for me. I am a believer and I wish to live in a manner that falls in accordance with my beliefs; society can call me names and bring me down but remember this, I am then closer to the ground in a position to pray.
Peace out folks, take care.