I wanted to make sense of my mind; unravel the layers of emotion, imagination, intelligence, and concept so that I may understand myself more clearly. Slowly and steadily, I am becoming more self-aware; my actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my motives, and my intentions. Amongst these periods of reflection, I have much to say yet have no sufficient way of expression. I would prefer to speak to someone aloud and share the deep depths of my psyche however, that opportunity has still to present itself… which is one of the reasons why I write. I write to catch a glimpse of my inner self, whether that be of innocence, guilt, love, hatred, virtue, evil, etc.
Although writing unlocks the doors within my head, there are times when words fail to slip onto the blank pages of a screen or lined paper. This is where my abstract sets of design come in. The strokes, the shapes, and the colours all symbolize my state of mind, or at least try to uncoil it. During my weekend, I decided to illustrate my mind on a blank white sheet of paper and this is what happened:
The first photo was my first portrait; simple and intriguing to the eye yet complex. I looked back at the piece and first thought it was too depressing (hence, the second piece). Quite honestly, it made me think of the demons in my head and the cruel reality of struggles. It may look neat and organized but chaos stretches across all corners, similar to how a person can fake a smile whilst shattering into a million pieces inside. Perhaps due to my mentality then and there, darkness crept over the walls of my mind and spilt onto the canvas in front of me. Setting aside this impression, at the same time it has its own sense of peace and tranquility. Sometimes simplicity (in contrast to my second piece) is responsible for the plantation of beauty. Although black and white, it is soothing to realize that beauty needs no extraordinary features to be breathtaking.
Moreover, looking at the gradual and complete coloration of the second piece, I can openly say that that is how my mind seems when I am unable to effectively voice what is in it. Each basic geometric shape is a thought, simple and direct but with an entire compilation of these shapes, well, though profoundly confusing, they are mind blowing. Overwhelmingly complicated but beauty still manages to run along the edges of its simplicity, always.
My mind is restricted; only I have the key to unlock what my thinking strings together. Perhaps that is why my mind is bubbled (yes, the female stick figure is me). Loud on the inside and quiet on the outside…
Anyway, I have only managed to extract what my mind currently unfolds but I am 101% positive that with time, I will discover new reasons to why I drew these pieces the way I did. Undoubtedly, my understanding of my mind will interpret or better represent these illustrations but for now, I think I have tried to puzzle pieces together enough.
Adios amigos, take care. Till next time, farewell.