After all these highs, I am fearful of the fall.

Lately, I have realized that my life is too perfectly laid out. There is definitely no luck that could have got me to where I am today; thus I am a witness to His handiwork and His Grace. As an individual of faith, I cannot deny how generous God Almighty is being with me.

My grades improved towards the end of my first year in university as a sciences and mathematics student; from the 60%-70% range to 80%-90% range. I was offered a job in which I was really passionate and ecstatic about; a Residence Life Team staff member. I was accepted into a program that only a few get the opportunity to study; Nuclear Medicine and Molecular Imaging Technology. Plus, I am living in the heart of my city, Toronto, with ease for the academic school year. Can you believe that?

Okay, maybe these are not big accomplishments to you but for me, they are beyond anything I could imagine. These are the recent headlines of my life but honestly, how am I this blessed? Or in other words, why is everything working out without worry? Yes, I am still young without taxes, mortgages, a husband, or children to stress over but with those set aside, I am in a pretty darn good spot right now yet, I am scared.

I dare not to rub off as ungrateful, oh no no. I am simply worried about my character and my soul. Perhaps this is all one great big trial from my Lord. Perhaps He is concluding whether or not I would choose this world over the next. Perhaps I am beginning to discover how attached I am to this life rather than the Hereafter. As my usual self, my reflections have led me to believe that I must pull my head out from the clouds of this life and instead try to stretch my head above the clouds of the afterlife. What I mean to say is that as an individual of faith, I cannot get too wrapped up in this world.

You know, my struggles in this world are not of this world. Well, they are not yet grand I should say. What worries me is my own well-being. I desire not to leave this world if I am ungrateful, disrespectful, arrogant, egoistic, untruthful, and hypocritical. My hardships revolve not around education, a home, and family because instead they are too busy conquering my mind and heart. I struggle being virtuous, pious, and faithful but hey, I am still trying here.

Anyway, the tangles of this world have indeed got me by my wrists and ankles and I must break free before I pass. I am afraid only of what God Almighty will think of me if I abandon Him now; unbearably frightening. So, I am hanging in there, still trying because even if this life is working out great, there is no way everything can fall into place as perfectly as it has without a Divine Hand.

Aight, peace out ladies and gentlemen. Take care!

One thought on “Stupefied

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