I feel like I am stranded in the middle of nowhere; completely deserted. I have no clue who I am anymore or who I wish to be exactly. I have a general sense of what I desire but just scraps. A part of me has been hidden and I honestly do not know if I want to bury it even deeper or allow it to resurface.
I mean, I want that side to express itself but I feel like I want it expressed for all the wrong reasons. The remnants of my character are trying to discover their potential; their purpose. Maybe even overpower the other side of me but who knows, it can succeed or fail miserably.
I feel like I am living two lives here. The earlier years are slowly fading but I am too afraid to abandon them entirely. Regrets? I definitely want to avoid them but if I abandon either side of me, there is no escaping them. So, here I am today debating about which side to cut loose and which side to press against my soul.
You know what is kind of funny? The other side of me offered peace, security, and happiness but I cannot help myself enough to recall it. I have such a wide range of wants and that side of me just cannot accept them all. I have to choose one over the other but it is too complicated. A part of me wants to explore everything I have never had the chance to before whilst the other side is solely silencing the urge.
Growing up kind of sucks, you know? Or it may just be me. I think way too much, taking me to the deepest of realms. Either that, or I just don’t know how to handle it all yet. Perhaps the most difficult part is cornering yourself to get the truth out. Sometimes the truth is comfortable sitting in a darkened corner with cob webs and dust – totally wishing to be undisturbed.
Life would not pass too smoothly if the truth was overlooked. I constantly find myself exploring the depths of my mind and heart to find my way to it. It is brutal and I often return with bruises but it is a journey I must devour.
Well, wish me luck. I am treading but in directions unknown.